The next meteor shower is the Leonids on November 17-18. The shower will peak in the predawn hours of November 17. The Moon will be just past new, so it won't interfere with the shower. Experts predict that this will be a good year for the Leonids.

- http://stardate.org/nightsky/meteors/

I saw my kids tonight. It was the first Friday of the month, so I led the children service at temple. I forget the sense of community. Temple is always bittersweet in so, so many ways. “That sound we hear, let’s just pretend it’s crickets. Then it sounds all home-y. Just putting it out there.”

Mr. Guarino basically yelled at me in first period. It was really stupid and uncalled for. It was more of a scolding than yelling. Regine took me outside to practice during orchestra. She said she was really proud and amazed by me. "You stopped playing for so long, and then you just pick it up again and still remember how to play." Josh asked me to take a stuffed animal to school. When I was leaving t practice in the hallway, Mr. M walked up to me and started making grabbing motions. I handed him my teddy bear, and he hugged him. I asked him if he wanted to hold onto my bear for a while, and he said yes. At the end of class, the teddy bear was still tucked inside his jacket, so I said he could hold onto him for the day.

It was nice to see Mr. Brown during lunch. We talked about a lot of things. I don't go to his room often due to a particular person who can be found there. I was late to English but my excuse was, "I was negotiating with Mr. Brown!" Ms. Everitt laughed and didn't even question me. I like when I work up the nerve to speak in Philosophy.

I saw the counselor during sixth period, and she gave me my letter of recommendation. I read it when walking to class. I really liked it. The first sentence says, "There is absolutely nothing typical about Elizabeth," and then she calls me "self-absorbed and a procrastinator." I feel like a bitch for not having my own counselor write my letter. But the more I tried to see her, the less comfortable I felt around her. I just don't trust her. It was probably wrong to see the other counselor, it definitely was. I just feel like if there ever is a time to be a bitch and think of yourself, it's when you're applying to college.

After school was nice. I talked to Tawnya, Dustin, and Beth about hands turning purple. Tawnya brought up Clover's hands turning purple in the cold, and then she examined mine. Pranphila ranted about things to Arlene. Rachelle said I looked nice.

Vincent made me feel so pretty today. When I walked into class, he said I should get a Lookbook. I don't have a camera or enough style to make an account, but it was still nice. He said I'm classic, I think it was, and "vintagey". When I dropped by Ms. Soares room before sixth period, he gave me a huge hug. Then he continued to talk about how nice I looked.

My tights ripped, and that makes me sad. I don't know where the receipt is, and I wanted to try returning them. Boo, I fail.

I had an orthodontist appointment after school, I told him about my single acceptance. Then he went onto his computer and looked up a picture he took of me when I was around six or seven. He has known me since before I had braces, since before I had permanent teeth, and now I'm going to college. I only have one more appointment with them before I should officially stop seeing them.

I opened my package in their office. A huge box was delivered to the house for me. It was the clothing my mom and I ordered from Tulle. She bought me a dress, jacket, and skirt. They are so lovely. When I tried them on at home, they all fit. I feel so beautiful wearing such pretty things. I imagine so many different outfits. I love these things. We also went to a discount store, and I bought this great shoes. They're about two-inch peep toe heels. They're comfy.

Gosh, pretty things are so nice. I wish I had fairy wings. I need to buy some, or make some. Hm.

I have no idea what I need for tomorrow. Where is my itinerary?

At the end of the school year, I started making a CD. I was going to give it to Chris when he went to college. Back in December, I made him a CD for Christmas. I had already compiled the songs and was choosing the pictures I'd use to decorate the case. Then, things started going badly, and we broke up. I eventually deleted the file on my computer named after him. Inside were pictures of him, and pictures that reminded me of him. There was also his personal statement, and other papers of his I had edited. I didn't delete the playlist, though. I put it inside an untitled folder, so I wouldn't have to look at it.

Some of the songs were about liking him. I used some of the same artists from the first CD, like The Beatles. Some songs were to be taken as advice, or hopes I had for him. Some songs reminded me of him, or something that had happened between us.

After we broke up, we continued being friends for about a week. I didn't take too kindly to the rejection because I was very angry and upset. The day he moved into his dorm, JQ left practice. That's how I knew he was leaving.

It's funny I already had a gift for him, but we weren't friends anymore. I wonder how he's doing in college, sort of. I only wonder when people ask me how he is, and then I have to tell them he and I have broken up and we don't talk anymore. Despite telling him we're not in touch, Deshaun wanted me to tell Chris he said hi.

It feels like I am becoming infamous, almost. With all the people who I've had confrontations with or feel offended by something I have said or done. I cried over the phone to Rachelle, a Facebook message being my toppling over point.

Last year, I felt like Hester Prynne. She had this scarlet letter forced onto her breast, with the infamy etched into her heart. She was different, and when she looked around everyone knew so. Her ideals of morality and the correct way to live differed from those around her. Her experiences, past, and choices made her a different type of person from those she lived with. I felt like Hester Prynne. I didn't need an exterior label to cage me from the others. I felt different for who I was and what had happened to me. I felt we were both damaged by things that had happened to us, trapped by society's ideas of what we should be, and alone in our quest for happiness.

This year, I feel like Winston Smith. His thoughts and feelings were worlds away from those around him. He knew there was more, something better, than the life he was leading. He quietly rebelled in the most secret of ways, and he was no longer trapped. Then, things changed. I feel like the things I want and envision are much different than those around me. I feel like the life I was given and these standards I must live up to are wrong. I want something more and different. I don't want to end up like Winston Smith.

To set the record straight, if I were to dare saying I hate anyone, the people on the list have not changed. They are still the same boys from the same Biology class and same table, excluding the one who sat across from me.

A year ago today, I was at Rachelle's house. I held her hand while crying over the election of our president. I celebrated the possibilities for the country and myself. I celebrated self-expression and unity. That night, I felt so much love. I felt love from and in our nation. I felt love for and in my life.

What happened? I began to wonder yesterday, and it still strikes me today. Life will never fail to puzzle me.